OK, I haven't totally stopped blogging about adoption. But my older child adoption posts have become few and far between. I want to share 3 reasons why:
1. There's not that much to say anymore. Isn't that good news! In the beginning, we were all learning so much, and adjusting so much, and struggling so much. There were so many adoption related decisions to be made. Now, almost 4 years in, everything isn't about adoption anymore. There's no magic timeline, and it will almost always take much longer than other people think it should, but like us, most adoptive families eventually find their new normal.
2. Wenxin's privacy is important to me. He's eleven years old now, and I don't know any child approaching the teen years who wants his every struggle broadcast across the Internet. From time to time, I may still blog about things I'm learning as a mom - my story, my struggles - but I want to let Wenxin decide in the future how much of his story he wants to share with the world. It's hard, of course, because our stories overlap, and I think that new adoptive parents need to learn from experienced adoptive parents. It's a tricky balance, but if I have to err, in the future I choose to err on the side of protecting Wenxin's privacy. My first loyalty is to him.
3. These days, I'm funneling most of my creative efforts into photography. I've discovered a new passion and am working hard on developing my skills and building my portfolio. Can you believe it? My older child adoption has reached the point where I can even develop a new hobby! That should encourage everyone. These days, my creative efforts are more likely to go into shooting and editing a new photo than writing a new blog post. For now, I'll keep posting my photos here at Death by Great Wall, but I have a new photography blog in the works for later this year.
I'm pretty proud of the resource we've built here for other adoptive parents and hope you'll continue to share it. And keep your comments coming. I read every single one!
For everything there is a season. Well said.
ReplyDeleteHi Jennifer! I still "stalk" your family via Facebook. It's good to hear from you.
DeleteI appreciate all of the blogging and sharing you've done. :) We feel like we are finally in the final stretch of our adoption process, even though our agency estimates we probably have six to nine more months before travel. The end of this month marks the one year mark from when we started pursuing our girl's adoption. I look forward to establishing our new family and finding our own "normal," however long that might take.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. Almost home! That's great news.
Deletethanks for the update~
ReplyDeleteto be honest I was concerned that you had stopped blogging because you guys were going through a rough patch that needed your energy! So I'm happy to learn that I was wrong.
Other than adoption, though, I read for the homeschooling aspects of your blog, so if you think that doesn't intrude on privacy too much, I'd love for you to continue with your great tips. (I've shown several moms your Rocks post.)
Thanks! Love your photos and I'm totally stealing the headless idea!!
Oh, thank you. It's good to know what kinds of posts that people really enjoy. I'm not really an expert on anything, but it's fun to share what works for us.
DeleteHey Dana,
DeleteLoving your photographs, even if I do have a slow internet connection! :) Hopefully you get notified on new comments in old posts. I came across this today and she shared a lot of resources and books that are in common with yours, so I figured that you'd appreciate this list from someone with the same philosophy, there may be some new info:
http://www.walkingbytheway.com/blog/adoption-preparation-and-education/
A time and a season for everything! Love you photographs! You are getting good. I have my first real photoshoot this morning and I am nervous as the weather is kind of cloudy today.
ReplyDeleteGo out there and ROCK that photo shoot! Cloudy's not necessarily bad. Personally, I'd rather have cloudy than full sun.
DeleteCongratulations Dana on success of one season in your life and start of another one. Continue blogging so I can continue to take a peak into your life.
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for the update. It is so encouraging to read your reasons. We are in a good place here as well. I have been mindful of the my story vs their story tightrope from the beginning. I now get permission if it is clearly their story to tell or share. Photography is my next frontier as well. Love your abilities there!
ReplyDeleteWe are just a young family - we are both barely 30. Hubby Mark is finishing his PhD at a small Christian college. Our bio daughters are 17 months, 3, and 5. Two months ago we returned home from China with our son who was days away from aging out. Older child adoption is hard, especially because he is less than 17 years younger than us and we are so inexperienced as parents. Its frustrating being more like big sister and brother instead of Mom and Dad.
ReplyDeleteI would have never ever chosen to do this - we are completely inexperienced with adoption, we still have plenty of student debt, we live in a three bedroom home, and it just doesn't make sense for us to adopt. God told us otherwise, and we have to surrender all of our doubts to Him daily. I am tired and worn and sometimes wish it was just my daughters again.
In these two months, there have been more tears shed than ever before, but we have also experienced so much joy. Older child adoption has opened the door to an intimate relationship with Christ that we would have never felt otherwise. If we are trusting Him with our salvation, I guess we can trust Him to build our family! It is too bad that God's will is better than mine ;)
This gives me hope of a new normal with our son. Your older child adoption posts have been priceless for us. I printed many of them out. I am having a rough evening. Can you please give me a little encouragement? :)
Oh Natalie, there is so much hope! Remember that two months is such a short time. No wonder it is still overwhelmingly hard for all of you. No wonder you sometimes wish it was just your daughters again. All of that is soooo normal. Hang in there. I am praying for you tonight!
DeleteThis gives me hope of our life settling down again. Our world was rocked ten months ago when we brought home Marta (9). Some days it feels like we have had her forever, and other days it feels like we just got her this morning.
ReplyDeleteFour months ago we adopted Nathan (from Guangzhou) a day before he aged out. This is our second older child adoption so we knew what to expect to some degree. He has no medical needs, but he is definitely more developed and further along with puberty than most young men his age, which we found out the moment we got him. Okay, not a big deal whatsoever - probably a good sign that he doesn't have many orphanage delays. Here's the thing: we have a bio daughter, Ava, who is ten months older than him. She is beautiful and slender and blonde. Its very obvious that he has a crush on her and is jealous of her boyfriend. We have seen Nathan glance over at her in places he should not be looking at, and it makes me sad.
ReplyDeleteAt first we assumed he would get over it in a week or so, but 4 months later, it has become irritating for all of us (especially Ava). I know its totally me overreacting, but I make Ava lock her door at night just to be on the safe side, and I don't let them stay home alone together. We have cut back on beach and pool visits as well this summer. She gladly allows me to do that. I want Nathan to think of Ava as his sister, not a cute girl. It has slowed down attachments tremendously.
We have talked to our SW several times, and she said that we are doing the correct thing to keep Nathan away from tempting situations. She suggested no tank tops and shorter shorts, and for her to never be around the family in pajamas (even with bra on) in the morning or at night. The hard part is finding ways for them to bond as siblings. We can't let them go anywhere, even with the parents, because we don't want him to think of it as a date. Poor Ava just wants to get to know him as her brother.
I know it will eventually all get better. With our other adoption, I thought the issues our child had would never resolve. They did, and I know our new normal will come eventually...